


Holiday From Hell

by stargatefan_archivist



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Action/Adventure, Drama, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-10-07 04:30:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,525
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10352295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stargatefan_archivist/pseuds/stargatefan_archivist
Summary: The team gets stuck in wilderness after a vacation plan goes wrong.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Yuma, the archivist: this work was originally archived at [Stargatefan.com](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Stargatefan.com). To preserve the archive, we began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [StargateFan Archive Collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/StargateFan_Archive_Collection).

Holiday From Hell

"Where are we going?" Asked a very confused Daniel Jackson as he was dragged out of his apartment with a backpack and other numerous camping equipment. He had been dropped off at his apartment twenty minutes ago with only one set of instructions. Pack a bag, with whatever you need for a week and we'll get you. 

"Come on Danny," said Jack as he pulled Daniel's arm. He literally tossed Daniel into the back seat with Carter while Teal'c sat up in the front. 

Carter, who looked as stunned as he did, waved weakly. "Hey Daniel. Do you know what's going on, because I was just interrupted in the middle of watching my favorite show for some strange reason." 

"That's what I've been trying to ask Jack. Jack? Where are we going?" 

"A mountain retreat. One week full of fun, fun, fun!" 

"Help." Said Sam under her breath." 

"I heard that Captain! But don't worry about anything. The General set this up. I'm just playing Devil's advocate." 

"O'Neill, What is a Devil's advocate?" 

"Huh? Teal'c? Never mind." 

"He means..." 

"Shut up Daniel, This is my car and we're not spending an hour trying to explain what a Devil's advocate is, got it?" 

"Sure Jack." Jack pulled out of the parking lot with a screech of rubber. 

"Sir! It would be helpful if you didn't kill us before you got us there." 

Jack grinned. "Don't worry Captain, I've had years of experience doing this kinda stuff." 

"That's what I'm afraid of." Whispered Sam to Daniel. 

* * *

An hour into the ride and they were in the strong Canadian wilderness, The U.S, explained Jack was boring for outdoor adventure, so they were going up to the Rockies, some big mountains that were further up the coast. 

Daniel had given up trying to talk to Sam, who was now sleeping. He was now reading up on the Indian tribes that lived in this area and was trying to get Jack to stop at least one of the many landmarks. 

"For the last time Daniel, No! You always turn our missions into a field trip about cultures and all that so now it's my turn." Jack handed him the map. "Make yourself useful, tell me which way is it to the resort." 

Daniel took the map. "What the heck is this? It looks ancient." 

"Well sorry." 

Teal'c observed them with a raised eyebrow. "O'Neill, It appears there are three roads up ahead." 

"Daniel which one is it?" 

Daniel fiddled around with the map. "There's only two roads on this map, you're supposed to take the one on the right." 

"Which one?" The two right paths looked very different from each other. One was overgrown and the other one looked fairly new. 

"Let's take the new one." Jack said, and he stepped on the gas. They bumped along for about ten minutes when Teal'c suddenly shouted. 

"I believe that there is no road up ahead." 

Jack saw it too and yelled, "Everybody hang on!" The tires screeched in protest as he slammed on the brakes. His eyes widened in horror as he realized that they weren't going to make it. The car crashed through the 'no road' sign and careened over the edge of the small cliff, bounced and rolled over and stopped with a sudden lurch. 

Nothing moved. 

* * *

"Sam, Teal'c, Daniel?" slurred O'Neill as he undid his seatbelt a crashed down from his precarious position, hanging upside down. He saw Teal'c getting his bearings a couple meters away, unhooking his seatbelt from where the seat's straps ripped apart, sending the seat with Teal'c inside flying. Thankfully the Jaffa had did up his seatbelt when the ride started, opposed to being flattened against the windshield in the first place. Jack foggily grasped the outside of his seat and stood up. The day was now starting to turn into twilight, which meant that they had to be unconscious for quite an amount of time. Then he remembered Daniel and Sam. The both of them had never had their seatbelts on. 

"Daniel, Sam? Where are you guys?" He gingerly stepped out of the car and started searching. He bumped into something, and with a curse grabbed Carter. She was still unconscious, probably for the best. She had a large cut down one or her arms, and Jack could see the bruise that was spreading across her left temple. 

"Teal'c, have you found Daniel?" 

"Yes I have O'Neill, He seems to be incapacitated at the moment." 

"Do you think you can move him to the sheltered part of what's left of my car?" 

"Yes O'Neill." 

Jack heard him pick up something and move towards their general direction. Jack reached into the car, under the remains of the back seat and pulled out a med kit. He proceeded to wrap a bandage around Sam's arm and make her comfortable. 

Teal'c managed to put Daniel down in a clear area of space. Daniel also had a bruise on his temple, probably from hitting the seat when the accident occurred. His right leg was twisted up and there was a neat gash that had already stopped bleeding on his right cheek. 

"Teal'c, I'm going to have to ask you do something for me. Try to get two straight branches while I try and straighten out his leg." 

Teal'c nodded in affirmation and disappeared into the night. 

Jack made a face a bent Daniel's leg until he heard the bones snap back into place. 

Teal'c returned with the two branches and Jack devised a splint. He also bandaged the gash on his head and then he sat back. 

"Well there goes my car and the hope that someone will find us. Somebody with a marginally better map should be able to figure this is a dead end and won't try coming down here and it's not even tourist season." 

"Tourist season?" inquired the large Jaffa. 

"Yeah, you know when... Oh forget it!" The Jaffa looked at him with a mixture of sadness and uncertainly, almost if unsure of the next course of action he should take. 

Jack looked at him. "Teal'c, you should get some rest. I don't think we are in any immediate danger at the moment." 

The Jaffa looked at him and put his back to the car. He closed his eyes and Jack leaned back, waiting the long night ahead. 

* * *

Sam opened her eyes slowly at the distant chirping of birds. "Go away." She slurred. 

Jack's worried face leaned over her. "Are you okay?" 

"What do you think?" 

"I'm not a doctor. We had a bit of a car crash. Do you want the news sugarcoated or like a slap on the rear?" 

"You choose." 

"All right, we're stuck in the middle of wilderness, limited food, and no car, limited supplies and Daniel, who hasn't regained conciseness can't walk, and somehow I don't think your in the mood either." 

Sam looked at him. "Is it too late to get it sugarcoated?" 

"That was sugarcoated." Sam was about to tell him to stop joking around and get serious, but the look on his face told her it was no joke. She sat up holding her head feeling a bit nauseated. 

"Do you want some aspirin? I found some in Daniel's bag along with 20 million other types of pills. Is there anything he isn't allergic too?" 

"You, ma-maybe Ja'k" Jack whirled when he heard the weak comeback slip from Daniel's mouth. 

"Hey Danny-boy, how ya feeling?" 

"Like I was j-just run over by a horse." Jack smiled. 

"Have an aspirin Danny." 

"Thanks." Jack watched as Daniel tried to sit up. 

"Ah, Ah, Ah, Don't even think about it. Carter's already up and I don't need two of you complaining about nausea." 

Daniel sat back down. "God, w-what did I do to my leg.?" 

"You broke it, that's what you get for not doing up your seatbelt." 

"Thanks Jack, your domestic c-concern is well appreciated." 

"Any time Daniel." While he was talking to Daniel Sam had stood up and was stretching. 

"What a beautiful grove!" she exclaimed. That much was true, with the exception of the car parts littering the forest floor it was beautiful. High-topped trees extended to the heavens and they were surrounded by lush green ferns. The cliff that the car had careened off was way too high to climb, but it added a serene look to the grove. 

In the distance she could hear the trickle of water and the crash of undergrowth and something or somebody approached. 

"Colonel!" She said in alarm and made a motion to take the gun out of her pocket, except they weren't on a foreign planet and they couldn't just dial home. 

Teal'c suddenly crashed into view and Carter gave a yelp of surprise. Teal'c looked her up and down to observe any signs of weakness then nodded, 

"It is good to see you up and around Captain Carter." He said gravely. She stole a glance at Jack who was trying not to laugh. 

"You too Teal'c." 

He turned to Jack. "I believe there is a small path which leads us in the direction of a river, It heads off into the same direction we were going before O'Neill. I suggest we start in that direction, for I believe that Daniel Jackson and Captain Carter still need medical attention." 

"You're right Teal'c, You can take Daniel and I'll try salvaging some equipment. I should take a while before we get anywhere. I'll estimate about a days walk to the nearest town." Teal'c nodded and Jack motioned to Carter to help him with the packs. 

Daniel, for now had fallen into an uneasy sleep. Jack packed up some food, blankets, matched and other equipment into three packs. He also tossed a couple of Daniel's pill containers in too. Teal'c put on a backpack and picked up Jackson. Sam and Jack pulled on two backpacks and followed Teal'c through the dense undergrowth. 

* * *

Two hours later, in the heat of the mid day sun they stopped. Teal'c set down Daniel and they broke out rations. They had stopped near the edge of a raging river, the going was getting too treacherous to go by two's so they would have to try and get Daniel walking. 

The path was steadily getting narrower and Jack feared they would soon have no path to walk on at this rate. When they started off again, Daniel was limping between them. The path got even narrower and so did Jack's hopes of rescue. Then suddenly he stopped. 

"Okay Campers, we're going back, unless you want to end up in the drink. 

The team obediently started to back up when a crack underneath Teal'c stopped them cold. They could hear the spiderweb cracks, forming under their feet. 

"Interesting," said Daniel. "This must be silt from the river ages ago. You'd think it wouldn't buckle." 

Jack looked at his as if he was crazy. He had enough time to say two words, before the ground dropped from under them "Oh, shit...." 

Those two words summed up their entire situation. 

* * *

_The whole holiday was a bust_ , Jack thought as they plunged into the water. The icy cold shocked them all and Jack felt himself rising. His head broke the surface and he started to swim, Teal'c was up ahead with Sam who was trying really hard not to suck in water. Teal'c grabbed some of her shirt and swam for two of them. They disappeared around a bend. Suddenly a flash of color went by and Jack, startled, grabbed onto Daniel who seemed to be doing fine on his own. 

"What?!?" Daniel yelled over the roar of the water. 

"Don't worry about a thing." 

"Whose worried?" 

The river seemed to extend onward forever. Jack and Daniel grabbed onto a floating tree branch that had come beside them. 

"Where's Teal'c and Sam?" asked Daniel. 

"Beats me. They shouldn't be too far ahead. Come on. I see a beach over there." Jack took hold of the branch and pulled it along. 

* * *

Further up the beach... "Teal'c? Where did you go?" Sam Carter looked around worriedly. 

The large Jaffa had left to get some firewood. The late summers' evening had soon turned into dusk and it was starting to get cold. The Colonel said yesterday, the temperature had been fairly warm, but today it was dropping quickly and on top of that, they had wet clothes. 

The Colonel. 

The next time she saw him, she wasn't sure if she was going to throttle him or strangle him for sending her on this fools errand. Who said she wanted a vacation? A soft step in the undergrowth made her ears quirk. 

"Teal'c?" When nobody answered she called out again. "Teal'c? Is that you?" 

A low growl emitted from the bush and she scrabbled back, her back to the river's edge. Another rustle in the bushes made her shriek, the bushes parted to reveal a - very pleased with himself - wet, Colonel Jack O'Neill. 

Beyond him, Daniel was being supported but Teal'c. 

"Sir," yelled Sam. "What are you trying to do?" 

"Scare the crap out of you," he said. He was on the verge of laughing. 

Sam felt really angry and whacked him on the head. 

"I wish you wouldn't be so stupid." 

"Carter, is this anyway to treat your superior officer? I'm shocked." 

Sam stared daggers in his direction. Or where she thought was his direction. The pale, washed out moon had made it's appearance over the ridge of mountains in the east. The forest ahead of them loomed, unbidding and forbidden. Teal'c helped Daniel sit down, and he created a circle out of rocks he had salvaged by the riverbank. He placed some dry wood down and he gestured that Jack take the waterproof matches and light the fire. 

As soon as there was a healthy blaze going Jack took a look at their backpacks. Daniel, who didn't have one in the first place, forked over the one he had been using for a pillow. 

"Here Jack. Everything here is pretty dry, I think it's safe to use the blankets." 

Jack tossed a can of beans in Carter's direction. 

"Specialty of the house, dented beans. For some strange reason I have mostly beans here. Teal'c, when I said, pack some 'food' at my house did I forget to mention the other food groups?" 

"What are the other food groups O'Neill?" 

"Beans, Beer, Chips, Dip and Military rations." quipped Daniel. 

For the longest time in two days the team laughed. 

* * *

bzzzz 

"Go away!" 

bzzzz 

"Jack, I know it's you, now go away." 

"Well aren't we cranky." Jack observed and Daniel struggled to wake up. 

"I'm surprised you're up and at-um, you haven't had your daily cup of mud yet." 

"Oh but he has." 

Daniel looked at Sam. She gestured towards the riverbank. He could see Jack pulling his tin cup though some stray mud on the river's edge. 

"Ewww Jack!" 

"What? What the heck are you doing?" 

"It's not what you think Daniel, Believe it or not, I'm fishing for your breakfast." 

"Get a life Jack." Daniel shouted back. He sat up wincing at the pain in his leg. 

Sam saw him. "Want an aspirin?" 

"You brought some?" 

"We figured it would be pretty useful after you broke you leg. " 

Daniel nodded and Daniel accepted a cup of real coffee from the rations. After his morning cup he felt much better. Teal'c, he noticed, was up to his knees in ferns. The former Jaffa was obviously concerned about something in the ferns. Then he remembered Jack's little talk about having to ration the food, which probably meant this coffee wouldn't be around to long. Which probably meant Teal'c was caching today's lunch. Jack, who had come up behind Daniel, sat back. 

"Roast rodent with a light taste of sand. Gourmet meal don't you think?" 

Daniel fortunately out of his sight screwed up his face in disgust. "Give it a rest Jack." 

"Moi?" He said in such an atrocious accent it sounded more like 'More.' 

Daniel had to laugh. "God, You're hopeless." 

Jack just kissed his fingers in a chef like gesture. Then he spit. "Yech, what the heck have I been doing? My knuckles taste like crud." 

Sam shook her heard and proceeded to pack their stuff. 

* * *

Over one hill to the next, was the way they progressed for the day. It was slow going, but the steady pace they had kept them going. 

When they sat down to rest Jack commented, "Why the heck haven't they sent out a search party? Shouldn't they know that we're missing?" 

"Maybe the assumed that we would not go there O'Neill." 

"Teal'c, when I want your opinion, I'll ask for it, Okay?" 

The larger man nodded. 

"It was a joke Teal'c." Jack sighed and shifted. 

It was pretty hard since Daniel had fallen asleep on him. 

"Dammit! Why the heck does he do this to me?" 

"I guess you're more comfortable Sir." 

"Didn't I say, knock it off with that sir stuff? Call me Jack when we aren't on base." 

"Well after two years Jack, It's a hard habit to break." Sam turned to lay her head on her backpack. "How far do we have to go?" 

"If I'm right, about another day's walk." 

"As soon as I get back home, no more vacations... ever." 

"Ever is a pretty big word Sam." 

"Ever." 

"Touché" said a sleepy Daniel. "I had enough of 'vacation' to last me a year." 

Jack laughed. He was tired. "Get some sleep, another day's walk ahead tomorrow. Teal'c? I'll take first watch." 

* * *

The next morning Jack felt like he had been sleeping on rocks, as a matter of fact, he had been. "Shoot," he muttered. That would probably ruin his morning. 

Carter had made some coffee and scooted over to the top of the hill to watch the sun rise. 

Daniel for once was awake early and had joined her by scooting up on his rear. He was still in pain. Jack knew that. Since Daniel and Sam already had their coffee, he decided to make his strong. He practically dumped the rest of the can into the coffeepot (which thankfully hadn't been damaged in the fall) and took a huge whiff of it. _Strong enough to wake up the dead_ , he thought. _And that's the way I like it_. 

Daniel and Sam were holding a quiet conversation when he came up behind them. 

"Boo!" Daniel whirled around, almost losing half his coffee. 

"Is there some kind of mental problem we don't know about that you have?" Asked Sam. Three days in the wilderness with him and she was already getting tired of his constant jokes. Jack looked at her with a strange glance. 

Daniel, trying to mop up a bit of spilt coffee from his clothing glared at Jack too. 

"Do you have any idea where we are at this point in time?" he asked. 

Jack took out a dog-eared map and unfolded it. "Okay, let's see. According to Teal'c some major landmarks are this, this and that river we met with yesterday. Now we should be right here," he pointed to a small clearing barely visible against the clump of trees that littered the map. 

"Oh, that makes me feel much better, we still like have a day or so of travel left," Daniel winced as he shifted his leg. 

"That makes me feel great. I don't suppose we could get moving could we? My leg's killing me." 

Sam raised her eyebrows and started to pack up. 

* * *

High noon, or that's what Jack said. It wasn't a western but it certainly felt like one. The sun was high and burning hot, and the ground seemed to shiver with heat. The trees seemed scarcer and there weren't evident signs if there was water anywhere. Daniel, who had managed to limp a quarter ways was now sleeping in Teal'c's arms. 

Sam was trudging beside them, making sure they didn't fall victim to dehydration. 

Jack, still going strong, turned towards his bedraggled group. It was so hot and their water supply seemed to be going dry. Soon they wouldn't have to worry about medical attention; they would have to worry about water. 

Sam let out a soft moan and swayed to one side, Jack grabbed her arm and helped her regain her balance. He unsoldered the canteen and put it to Carter's mouth. She nodded her thanks and they restarted their journey. 

* * *

Nightfall soon approached and Daniel sat down, his feet sore, and aching all over. Jack had insisted they kept going, and when Daniel had woken up he had realized Teal'c had probably carried him most of the way. He was in excruciating pain. The Tylenol he had hadn't lasted until this afternoon, forcing him to walk, even though every strap felt like he was pulling a truck tied to his leg for the past year. He winced and the roaring in his ears faded and all he could hear was Jack's voice, rising to a pitch. 

"Jackson, come on Daniel, are you okay?" Daniel groaned as Jack slapped his cheek. 

"Go 'way." He murmured. "Com' on, have some dinner." 

Jacks face hovered over his own and Daniel pushed himself upward. Teal'c had once again disappeared into the wilderness to search for wood or something and Sam was intent on starting a fire. She smiled in relief as the sparks caught and sat back. 

Daniel lay back down and closed his eyes. He hoped that tomorrow would be slow in coming and he drifted quietly to sleep, admist the sounds of clattering and night noises. 

* * *

When Daniel awoke again he felt the sensation of being carried. Teal'c's massive arms were wrapped around him and he could hardly move. _I bet they thought I couldn't make it._ He thought. He tried to move and realized that he couldn't, he was so hot. All he could do was open his eyes a fraction of an inch. He saw Sam and Jack on either side of Teal'c, and ever so often Jack would cast a worried look in his direction. 

Jack raised his hand and felt his forehead. Daniel winced slightly and tried to move away. Jack's hand was like ice. Jack noticed the slight movement and hissed gently through his teeth as if that would help. 

Sam, noticing Jacks reaction motioned for Teal'c to put him down. Daniel opened his eyes more fully and hoped it was all a nightmare. They had reached the bog, the last obstacle between the hotel and them. Freakish branched seemed to twist downwards in a never-ending spiral. Heck, it made him dizzy just looking at it. A hand waved over his eyes and he shifted his eyes downwards. Jack's voice seemed slow and deliberate and he felt oddly detached. He listened carefully and learned that either he had caught an infection, pneumonia, or just done another 'Daniel Jackson.' Daniel didn't know if he was hearing right and he closed his eyes, trying to think. A hand brought his momentarily from his haze and he felt himself being lifted again. Daniel receded into the dark reaches of his mind. 

* * *

"Danny boy? Hello? Anybody there?" Jack let out a frustrated sign and told Teal'c to pick Daniel up again. He had worried when he realized Daniel much had overdone it while hiking the previous day. When Jack had tried to wake him he felt so hot. He hadn't even woken up after two hours of hiking. Sam tried to explain to him about some medical crud and Jack had just waved it away as a secondary explanation. Sam tried to reassure him with her eyes but failed miserably. 

Sam looked over the vast mud pit that seemed to expand outwards forever. Blood-sucking insects and snakes slid in and out if the exterior and she could hear Jack's intake of breath a slimy creature crossed by his foot. Up ahead she saw Teal'c carrying an unconscious Daniel and even further, what seemed to be the hotel that had been their lifeline since the crash. Weaving through the dense vines she came to the edge of the mud pit. Seeing Teal'c ahead, already waist deep in the much, she decided to go for it. She stepped in the ooze and hoped that somehow she would live to see tomorrow. 

Finally! 

Jack was glad to be out of that stinking rotten mud pit. All of the team - including Daniel - had mud covering their bodies. Jack frowned unhappily at the ruins of his leather jacket and decided it wasn't worth it. He tossed it on the ground, rubbing his itchy arms. Pesky bugs had been attacking him since their entrance into the filthy pond and he had the bites to prove it. 

Signing deeply he gestured to the ever-so-present hotel and shouted, "Onward Ho!" 

* * *

"I never saw anybody as surprised as the hotel clerk when we walked into the place, covered in mud and slime, dishrivled and ready to collapse. In fact, after he saw our muddy footprints on the carpet he looked ready to collapse." Jack finished off his story with a relish and Daniel grinned. 

"Sounds like you didn't need my expertise after all," he countered. They were all crowded into the little hospital room. 

Sam, in the adjoining bed also laughed. "He's got a point there sir, Daniel, you should have seen the look on Jack's face when the nurse on duty told his to strip. She said she was checking for some kind of bites or scratches and man, she was like fifty or something." 

Daniel laughed and ducked the half-hearted swipe the Colonel attempted. After their little excursion he found out that it was indeed an infection that had caused his high fever and the doctors said the extra work just made it worse. He was out on painkillers for a day or so and finally woke to this entourage. 

"So Danny-boy, what is it this time, life number eight or nine?" Jack's voice startled him and he blinked solemnly up at his CO. 

"By the way it feels, number nine." Jack broke into a grin and the four teammates laughed as if nothing in the world could have forced them to do more so.   


* * *

>   
> © May 13, 1999 The characters mentioned in this story are the property of Showtime and Gekko Film Corp.  
> The Stargate, SG-I, the Goa’uld and all other characters  
> who have appeared in the series STARGATE SG-1 together with the names,   
> titles and backstory are the sole copyright property of MGM-UA Worldwide Television,   
> Gekko Film Corp, Glassner/Wright Double Secret Productions and Stargate SG-I Prod. Ltd.   
> Partnership.  
> This fanfic is not intended as an infringement upon those rights and   
> solely meant for entertainment.   
> All other characters, the story idea and the story itself   
> are the sole property of the author.   
> 

  


* * *

  


##### This was a little something I cooked up a while back. I thought It was fun responding to the challenge, but unfortunately my attempt at humor lost momentum and look what I wrote..... (What can I say, I'm a Danny pounder too!) 

* * *

  



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